Jolly? No. Pasta? Debatable.

I want to preface this by saying that I have had a bad feeling about Jolly Pasta since I first saw one two years ago.

I'd heard many a horror story about 'Japanese Italian' food from my preds and JET mentors during Embassy training. In general, the lower your expectations, the less disgusted you'll be. I finally caved and tried it for the first time last week at the behest of my friend Will, who had a major pizza craving and had never tried it before. We had perhaps the lowest possible expectations. They were not met.

Jolly Pasta's atmosphere can best be summed up as weird Japanese-Italian fusion food (if you've always wanted to eat spaghetti with shishamo and a fried egg, look no further), ~authentic~ Italian music (JK, it was flamenco and Franco De Vita), and standard fare table-and-booth seating, complete with a 'smoking section' that is in no way walled off or separate from the main seating area. Some locations have half-hearted stencils of vines or Italian quotes, or a faux brick accent wall. Most have theatre-sized posters of their recommended dishes or seasonal specials.

It's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from an Italian themed chain restaurant in Japan. Unless you're still in the idealistic weeb phase where you think Japan is just this technologically advanced futuristic perfect place. If you've been here and moved past the honeymoon phase, you know what's up.

One thing I will say in favour of Jolly Pasta is that the standard menu is humongous, and there are always one or two special limited menu brochures as well. Unfortunately, that just means Jolly Pasta can ruin your day in a multitude of ways and flavours.

Shrimp mayo corn pesto? Sea urchin of summer carbonara? Cod roe egg spaghetti?

My friend Will ordered two pizzas: Jolly Pasta Mix (bacon, green peppers, avocado, shrimp), and a 'bacon cheese piccolo pizza'. It's a major case of expectations vs reality.

We heard you like green pepper so we gave you two entire pieces.

Of the three of us who ordered pizza, none of us were able to eat it properly. You know how some New Yorkers fold their pizza in half to eat it? At Jolly Pasta, that is not a choice. It is a necessity. The paper-thin crust can't bear the weight of the meager toppings, and the ketchup-y sauce is watered down to the point that it drips down like a leaky faucet, displacing the cheese, corn, and shrimp in its path. If you try to cut it with a knife and fork, you'll be SOL. It's like this pizza has one goal in life, and that goal is to separate back into its original ingredients ASAP. The three of us managed to eat all of our pizza by folding the slices in two, save the sauce- that poured out the end, and torrentially splattered onto the tableware.

straight-up not having a good time

The texture and mouthfeel were whack. The taste was sub-par. We tried to order desserts (there are like 3 options that ARENT freezer-burned vanilla ice cream) and found out that they had run out of all of the good ones. This was at maybe 6pm on a weeknight. I want to note that we were also unable to order the 'whole tomato', which even now I'm not really sure what it is, but of the entire menu, it was the one thing I actually wanted to try. I think I'm just chronically dehydrated because I want to just eat a tomato like an apple. Tomatoes are frickin delicious tho.

The pastas do not provide any bang whatsoever for your buck. They taste exactly the same as the prepackaged sauces you can buy in the Japanese supermarket, complete with dubiously non-perishable meat (spoiler alert: it's Japanese bacon. always.) and veggie chunks. Equally unappetizing and uninspired. You'll yearn for chef boyardee.

The drink bar was standard fare in terms of soda (although it was Pepsi brand, so the pickings were slim), but disappointingly lacking in tea or coffee options (aside from plain coffee, which was available- a latte, hot chocolate, mocha, etc. would have been nice. Considering the drink bar price of 300 yen, next time (AS IF I'd ever go back) I would just stick to water.

All in all, it was OK. I can honestly say I'd rather eat at CoCo Curry than give Jolly another chance.

If you have 700 yen and no other options, douzo. IMO you're better off just toasting up a frozen pizza (and you'll save like 350 yennies). Which is saying something because Japanese frozen pizzas kinda suck.

If you're near Hiroshima city, try your luck at finding the elusive pizza vending machine. Alternatively, get on the train and ride to the nearest Costco. Costco pizza will never betray you.