that time I traumatized my roommate with Shrek memes

She was 19 years old. She loved Shrek so much. She had all the movies and merchandise. She listened to the Shrek soundtrack every day because it fucking slaps. Natalie heard her and ruined her life.

The year was 2016. I was young, naive, and full of hope. The only green stuff I'd ever touched was the flubber I made in organic chem lab. Then everything changed. I became addicted to the gateway drug.

I stumbled upon the "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life" video on youtube. My downward spiral had officially begun. Also for unrelated reasons I started doing a lot of weed.

I need to be clear. I have never hidden the fact that I am the person who can and will approach an aquaintance and, with no greeting or preamble, shove my phone in their face and press play on a dumb video like sharkascending.mp4

What the fuck was thaaaaat? Fuck if I know. Why do I do this? Fuck if I know. Excuse me for trying to trick my dumbass brain into making some serotonin. But if there is one thing I do know, it's that I can't stop won't stop. Even if you complain about me behind me back but never say shit to my face because you're a fucking coward. Stay mad, bitch.

(Disclaimer: if you ask me to stop I actually will but being upfront about that hurts my brand).

Anyway. I was minding my own business (probably a lie but that's how I remember it) at orchestra rehearsal one day when I was invited to go to a houseparty later. And from there one thing turned into another and I ate eggo waffles from a floor toaster, sitting on this one dude's bed with like three other slightly high people. And we watched videos. One of them was a Shrek MLG. Prior to this I didnt know that was a thing.

I got an idea. I was pissed at my then-roommate for one of the dumbass things she did. I can't remember specifically whether this particular time was for taking my phone and yelling at me for getting high, burning a hole in my carpet, telling on me (for doing weed and eating fast food) to my parents and having them put me on glorified suicide watch, ruining a knitted blanket from my nana, or spilling some mysterious black substance in the microwave and letting it harden into literal glass. Or maybe something else completely different. But the point is, I was feeling chotto pissy at her.

So I sat her down on the couch, threw on the chromecast, and made her watch her idol be desecrated in front of her eyes.

She didn't think it was funy. But idk, I think it was at least kinda funny.